There is something about the Forêt de Bouconne that causes mechanical mayhem to occur. At the last run our Religious Advisor, BJ, experienced a second baptism as one hose or another came disconnected under the bonnet of his car giving him a thorough steam-cleaning– an experience so traumatic that he hasn’t dared Hash since. This run it was our turn to be mechanically inconvenienced. We managed a full 50m before the curse of the Forêt de Bouconne struck and we were kangaroo hopping down the street, trying to find a space to ‘land’ in. One controlled crash later, the car cursing started, but to no avail – the car would not move, and it looked like I’d miss my first Toulouse Hash.

After 10 minutes of fruitless faith healing, inspiration struck – a can of WD40 was liberally applied under the bonnet and the car was back on the road. However, we were sufficiently delayed to miss the introduction to the run as well as the Hares briefing. Given that the Hares for the day were Rémi (a near-virgin) and BeaverChops (an experienced sadist), this caused us some consternation.

Once we had found the Off, we managed to locate the trail on only the second attempt, and were soon Hashing merrily. The course was a BeaverChops classic – well marked but exceptionally muddy and far too hilly. After some superhuman Hashing on our part (and when that failed, a switch on to the walkers route), Bearded Clam and I managed to catch up with the rest of the pack. The runners were a sorry sight, mud-splattered and, in Wandering Two-Lips’ case, with skid-marks on his shorts rivalling those on Blagnac runway! After having jumped a raging river, we soon passed the walkers, as we were Indiana Jones-ing our way through a bramble bush. Most were slightly muddied and scratched, and they were being accompanied by Hare, Rémi, who was delighted at their discomfort, and kept calling himself ‘méchant’ (too right!) The rest of the trail continued in the same theme, and we eventually made it back to On-Ni (a variation of the On-In) without too much difficulty.

Due to amount of shiggy at the On-In, Dr Who bravely volunteered to keep the beer coolers clean by placing them on the tailgate of his car. We agreed, once his car had been blocked in to prevent a speedy getaway. Once the final walkers were accounted for and refreshed, Crafty Linguist (CL) called the Circle.

First up for the Down-Downs (DD’s) were Hares Rémi and BeaverChops, who received near 100% approval for what I thought was an unnecessarily hilly and shiggy-filled run. Once the DD’s had been administered, CL immediately called them back into the centre and asked for clarification of the term ‘On-Ni’. Confusion and disbelief spread across his face as we watch first Rémi, and then BeaverChops spinning round in little circles, pretending to write on the ground. Obviously not satisfied with this cabaret, CL then awarded them another DD for poor markings.

Next into the centre of the Circle were two of the Funch bunch – Birgit, the matriarch, and Zak, who were both due to be christened. Despite the cold, both namings received a great deal of care and attention. After much consideration, Zak was christened Sticky Horn for a variety of reasons (mostly unprintable) and Birgit was dubbed Sticky Mermaid. Both were then officially baptised and DD’ed.

CL then informed all present that on January 10^th there would be a Hash Bash open to all (at very generous rates) at a venue soon to be decided – check the website for details. Then, seeing as there had been no punishment DD’s for short cutting (QuickSand being absent from this run) CL started to draw the Circle to a close. However, Wandering Two-Lips drew attention to Claire Marie, a young hasher who he claimed was a Virgin. She shyly entered the Circle as Dr Who, who was asking for proof, was being lead away for a cold shower and stiff drink. Once she had been DD’ed and Dr Who had sufficiently recovered, CL handed over to DIY to close the Circle with the Hash Hymn. This he did, using verses One and Three of the adult’s version. All in all, a great Hash.

On On, and see you all on the 10^th January.

Do It Yourself