‘Start looking for the HHH signs to direct you to the starting point. You will traverse to the right off D4 to a small steel bridge, where we will rendezvous…’ – so read the directions to Run#16. We should have picked up on the danger signs as the approach road was bereft of HHH signs, and any traversing (right or otherwise) was prevented by ‘No Entry’ and ‘No Right Turn’ signs. However, this ominous start couldn’t detract from the perfect Hashing conditions – clear blue skies, spectacular scenery and plentiful cool boxes. As Hares Crafty Linguist (our errant G.M.) and Pink Helmet started the course briefing, our sense of foreboding returned. What started off as a basic ‘runner’s route this way – walker’s route that way’ briefing suddenly turned nasty when Crafty Linguist (C.L.) added a third, un-rekkied, medium route (presumably for people who could neither walk nor run). Surprisingly several people/lemmings said that they would willingly take this final option, and were then seen writing out their wills, kissing loved ones goodbye and stuffing their pockets with emergency flares. With resounding On-On’s, we were off on our separate courses. I took the walker’s course, which started off pleasantly enough along side the river. Although the chances to confuse were limited the Hares managed well, until the group of walkers I was in met up with another group of walkers coming the other way. Amid the cries of ‘Cheats’ and ‘Dirty SCB’s’ it was finally deduced that the Hares were at fault, having left two markings within a 50m radius of a Checking Point. Things went downhill from there on. After another 10 minutes of walking the trail ended with a clear and well-defined ‘X’, and with no other routes available. Right on cue C.L. showed up and informed us that he had forgotten to erase that ‘X’, and in fact the one, true way was ‘that way’. The rest of the route passed without incident, and the walkers made it back to the coolers before the runners did (a refreshing change). After 30 minutes all Hashers were back, with the exception of Jackie who had been totally flummoxed by the pre-run brief, and had created her very own ‘medium-long course’. Last sighting had been by Mountain Goat, who reported her heading away at maximum velocity, and thus Quicksand was soon on his way to ‘find and recover’. Once all Hashers were in the fold, acting R.A. Do It Yourself called the Circle, but, due to crowd apathy, settled for an Oval, and called that to order instead. First Down-Downs went, as always, to the Hares. Before they were given, the 3 or 4 routes were rated. The long, medium-long and medium routes scored a cool 50%, but the walker’s route received only 5% approval (even worse than the last one!). Displaying true Hash Spirit, Pink Helmet threw C.L. to the lions by claiming responsibility for the longer routes and exemption from any punishment. His pleas fell on deaf ears as we had not been sufficiently bribed, and so both Hares were duly DD’d. Chief Snitch Taupeless immediately pointed out that C.L. had DD’d with his right hand, and demanded a re-run. DIY also pointed out that Pink Helmet had DD’d with one hand in his shorts pocket, and, as this was a family run, he was given another DD. C.L. then donned his GM hat and took over the Oval. Next DD’s went to the visitors (3), before C.L. gave another Hash Commandment ‘Christened Hashers must wear Hash T-shirts’ – in a blatant bid to shift old stock. The culprits (too numerous to mention) were rounded up, but just before the DD was given, Bearded Clam was ratted up for having donned a Hash T-shirt after the Commandment was given, and so she too joined in the mass DD. Then, after DD’ing the virgins (3) C.L. informed us of the receding Hare Line, begged for Hares and was just about to call the Oval to a close when DIY stepped in, clutching a plastic bag. DIY pointed out that our GM had deserted his Hash for over two months, and had spent this time enjoying himself in South America, possibly with large amounts of Hash funds. To this end – he deserved to be DD’d. However, so heinous was this crime, a standard DD was insufficient. Thus it was time to introduce and use Motherclucker – the Hash Hen. Kneeling on the ground C.L. opened wide to receive Motherclucker’s posterior, whilst DIY poured in the DD through its beak. Biology and gravity took their course and C.L. was well and truly DD’d. Once this was done, C.L. closed the Oval, calling on DIY to lead the Hash Hymn. Verses one, two and three were then abused in turn, with verse 3 being in double-time. Great day! On On   Do It Yourself